Your Life is Now

Recommended listening: Your Life is Now by John Mellencamp
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For the first time ever, I rushed home to blog. Although I do enjoy blogging, I have never felt compelled to the point where I would disregard the urgency of an upcoming test or the growling of my stomach or the fatigue pressing my eyelids shut. No, today I have come home invigorated.
Just minutes ago I was part of a Student Advisory Board meeting, our last official meeting before our end-of-the-year cookout. Student Advisory Board is comprised of students from all four grade levels who have the unique opportunity to meet with a variety of administrators in order to discuss issues ranging from cafeteria setup to curriculum.
Today, our discussion began with the documentary Race to Nowhere. Although I have not seen the film, I cannot wait to get my hands on it. And, after a brief summary by our principal, a majority of the room was nodding in agreement and yearning for the chance to share their thoughts. In fact, several students stayed well after the final bell rang in order to tell their side of the story.


My side
Although I could, like many teens, rant endlessly about the overwhelming stress I've been under or the incomprehensible amount of work I've been given, I believe that point has been made clear. Sure, there have been nights when I heard birds chirping before I even put my pajamas on, and classes that I fought to stay awake in, and material I failed to understand -- but there's so much more to it.
However, I have to start off by saying that I have been incredibly blessed. I go to a wonderful school in a wonderful community with so many faculty members who have a true passion for educating young people. And, even better, I have never felt any pressure from my parents to do anything more than my best, even if that means grades and test scores that are not perfect.
I know that the environment I've grown up in has benefitted me in countless ways, but I also see it destroying people. I've heard parents verbally harass their children for not achieving the 36 they should have or coming in 1st at whatever competition they are expected to excel in. I've witnessed teachers assign an outlandish amount of homework with no sympathy or understanding for the situation they have put their students in. And, most tragically, I have seen students push themselves to chase an image of perfection that is both unrealistic and unhealthy.


What I've learned
With exactly one month until graduation, senior year has given me some much-needed perspective. After getting deferred from what was always my "dream school", I was forced to reconsider what I wanted for my future and how I planned to achieve it. I realized that, after busting my butt throughout high school, I wanted to relax and enjoy myself a bit more in college. Although I plan on double-majoring and maintaining a solid GPA, I also plan on pursuing my passions and learning about life, not just facts. Rather than selecting the highest-ranking (and coincidentally most expensive school) I was accepted to, I have chosen to attend The University of Wisconsin -- Madison which has a balance of the academic standard I believe is necessary, as well as the student life and social opportunities I hope to make the most of. And if there is one thing I am proud of myself for it is the fact that I was able to select a school based on how well it fit me and my goals, rather than just its prestige. If there is one lesson I could pass on to underclassman, and even overachieving middle schoolers, it would be that it is not about the numbers -- your ACT score does not define you, your GPA does not define you, and the ranking of your college certainly does not define you.

What now?
After the passionate discussion that today's meeting elicited, we have decided to schedule one more before the final cookout. And, with only one month left, there is little impact I can feasibly make at my school. So, here I am, writing to whoever is reading this with the following questions:

• What is propelling you to do what you do? Are you passionate about the things you invest your time into, or is some outside force driving you to do whatever it is that you do?
• What is your ultimate goal? Is it all about the college you are accepted to or the grades you earn or surpassing your peers? Or is it about connecting with people, exploring new concepts, and growing as a person?
• Why? Just ask yourself, why? Is this all really worth it?

Although grades and scores do matter to some extent, they by no means define me or anyone else. I have written all year about identity, and not once have I attributed identity to a number. 

Four years ago I took a summer school class called Art Foundation in the hopes of taking photography throughout high school. I never took a single photography class.

This summer I will finally begin to explore photography, not for a grade or college credit, but solely because it is something I want to do. It is better late than never, but there is certainly no reason to put your passions on pause in order to win the race to nowhere.

These kids come to the table with this creativity and love of learning, let's just not take it out of them.
Race to Nowhere

I'll Cover You

Recommended listening: I'll Cover You from Rent
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Today my high school participated in The Day of Silence. Sponsored by GLSEN, the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, the National Day of Silence is a day of action in which students across the country take some form of a vow of silence to call attention to the silencing effect of anti-LGBT bullying and harassment in schools. Through their activities students can speak out against harassment and organize for change for their schools and communities. 


My Day of Silence
Today, I had the privilege of taking part in The Day of Silence for the 5th or 6th time. When the bell rang I found myself donning a purple shirt that begged the question, "What will YOU do to end the silence?" However initially, there was nothing anyone could do because my entire carpool was supporting The Day of Silence.
As I went throughout my school day, I was faced with a new reality. Although I am not a novice by any means when it comes to The Day of Silence, for some reason this year I found it truly resonated with me. I think my Social Studies teacher set a good, meaningful preface for the event by asking all students who planned to participate to prepare a statement to be read aloud (by someone else, of course) on the DoS. The few statements read aloud in class today by my peers were far more touching than I can convey in a blogpost, or to anyone who was not in the room.
Throughout the rest of the day I continued to think about my DoS; the strange way people assumed I could no longer hear because I was silent, the obnoxious manner in which some students tried to make me talk and break the silence, and the beautifully supportive attitude so many people had towards me. This day has left me with mixed feelings, to say the least. On one hand, it was incredible to see the love and respect that so many people have for the LGBT community. Yet, on the other hand, the pervasive ignorance and hostility I continued to see disgust me.

A Voice
Clearly, and quietly, the DoS exemplifies the importance of having a voice. Fortunately, I am quite out-spoken. I have the good fortune of being passionate about my views and ideas, and caring very little about those dismiss of them. At times this makes me stubborn, but in most cases this makes me strong. Whether it's for LGBT rights, or the environment, or your loved ones, or whatever else moves you -- you must stand for something. 
Obviously, your views and values ignite a fire within you that can dominate and drive who you are. It varies from person to person, but you certainly have little to offer yourself or others if you do not care about anything.
So it's simple. Today was a day to take action, silently, but it spoke volumes. Our objective, no matter who we are, is to do the same.


Questions to Consider

• What is a cause you are passionate about? Why? [Or, if there isn't any such cause, why not?]
• How do your strongest convictions play into your daily life? Your identity as a whole? The way you describe yourself?
• Who or what has influenced you to stand up for whatever you believe in?

No government has the right to tell its citizens when or whom to love. The only queer people are those who don't love anybody.
Rita Mae Brown

Blackbird

Recommended listening: Blackbird by The Beatles
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My apologies for the hiatus, but as fourth quarter starts off I am back to blogging. As of late, we have been focusing on an ecocritical approach to literature (specifically children's stories) as well as other documents works that connect language and the environment.
One particularly striking activity we did was journal about our relationship with the environment by responding to several questions.

Questions

• Do you consider yourself an "outdoorsy" person? Why or why not?
• Which of your most salient memories involve nature, the outdoors, animals, plants, etc.?
• Are you drawn to certain ecosystems or environments, such as the ocean shore or mountains? What do they mean to you?
• Would you say that nature is something you escape from or escape to?
• If you were an animal, what animal would you be? Do you feel connected to animals?
• What are your favorite places? To what extent are they connected to or removed from nature?

It isn't hard to imagine that these questions led me to deeply consider nature as a factor in identity construction. 

My Nature

As I began considering my relationship with nature, I immediately thought it was non-existent. I've never gone camping, and I felt that was a pre-requisite for being an "outdoorsy" person. However, as I began to answer the above questions, I noticed nature plays a more important role in my identity and life than I initially realized.

Although I may not consider myself an outdoorsy person, I appreciate nature. I love trees and autumn's changing leaves more than anything. I've had incredible memories that are very much intertwined with nature, like Kairos at Conference Point Center in Williams Bay, Wisconsin. And when it comes to considering ecosystems, I have escaped to beaches and mountains on numerous family vacations. Fortunately, these vacations were both relaxing and luxurious -- which are adjectives I would never have connected to nature.

Simply ruminating upon such questions has lead me to understand that nature is both prevalent and significant in multiple aspects of my life. My favorite and most meaningful memory, Kairos, was deeply enhanced by nature. The crisp, fresh air, glinting lake, wooded paths, and pouring rain added to the majestic feeling I had on the retreat. Many of my family vacations are closely tied to the feeling of sand between my toes or snow-capped mountains. Even on a daily basis, the tranquility I enjoy by going on a walk around my neighborhood is all due to nature.

Simply put, nature is all around us. It is impossible to escape our environment. Whether we seek refuge in the outdoors, or in the comfort of our homes, we are at all times tied to nature and interacting with it.

As my readers, I ask you to thoughtfully consider the questions posed earlier. What is nature in your life? How has nature made you who you are?

How strange that Nature does not knock, and yet does not intrude!  
Emily Dickinson

Apples and Bananas

Recommended listening: Apples and Bananas from Barney

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As mentioned before, lately I've been going to many college interviews and overall pondering my future. One specific question I've been asked multiple times is: What do you do for fun? And, each time, the first thing that has popped into my mind has been food. Whenever I have some free time, I love to spend it enjoying a variety of foods with good company. In this past issue of Torch, my school newspaper, I wrote a comparative food review of Meatheads and Five Guys. Whether it involves writing, discussing, or my favorite -- eating, I absolutely love food and it does play an important role in my life. Of course, that is universal. Everyone needs to eat, but what exactly we choose to eat sheds a bit of light on to who we are.

So, to give you a bit more insight into who I am and what I enjoy, here is another list blog!

Favorite appetizer:

Buffalo wings, specifically from Yard House.

Favorite soup:

New England Clam Chowder, specifically from Bob Chinn's Crab House.

Favorite salad:

Chopped salad, only at Portillo's Hot Dogs.

Favorite side:

Mashed potatoes, specifically from The Gage.

Favorite entrée:

Brisket, must be made by my mom!

Favorite style of cuisine:

It's a tie between Mexican and Japanese.

Favorite dessert:

Strawberry shortcake cheesecake from Junior's.

My brother and I enjoying some delicious cheesecake from Junior's!

Just writing this is making me hungry! 
As noted above, one of the greatest things about food is that our need for it is universal. Everyone can appreciate food and it is often a way to connect with others and explore various cultures. 
Feel free to provide some of your own recommendations in a comment!


One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.
Virginia Woolf

Anthem

Recommended listening: Anthem by Superchick
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Hamlet
I just finished reading the play Hamlet by William Shakespeare. What made my experience of this text unique was that we read it by focusing on different critical approaches. One of the approaches which is strongly tied to Hamlet is the feminist approach. There are unique, dynamic and mysterious female characters that, despite having a limited number of lines, play a critical role in Shakespeare's Hamlet. By analyzing Ophelia and Gertrude, which I continue to do even after reading the play, I've really become enticed by the feminist approach.

One specific question that feminist critics ask that really sticks out to me is: How is the work "gendered"? That is, how does it seem to define femininity and masculinity? Which, of course, got me thinking about gender roles in my own life and how they shape identity.

Today's Society
Society, in many ways, is so deeply embedded with norms that it can be difficult to realize how they permeate our identity. When first studying the ideas of feminist critics I thought that they were hardly applicable in my life. I thought that, for the most part, I have been in complete control of my growth and identity. If I wanted to do something "manly" I would have no problem doing so. However, taking a closer look, there is practically no way to be immune to gender stereotypes and expectations without some sort of backlash.
I think one way that the differences between genders is clear today would be in terms of relationships. When dating, guys are often expected to pay, make decisions, and take control. They are supposed to "wear the pants", a common phrase used to express whomever is more masculine in a relationship.
By the same token, females are expected to be more submissive and obedient. When the roles are switched and the male seems to be the more obedient and submissive one he is deemed "whipped".
Our society is still very gendered in the respect that a stay-at-home parent is often expected to be the mother, whereas the primary source of income is "supposed" to be the man.
Then, of course, in terms of homosexual relationships gender plays quite a different role. I can't quite speak to that though.

My Life
I wouldn't consider myself very girly or manly, I just see myself as me. I don't doubt that gender roles and expectations, however, have shaped my understanding of Self. Sometimes I enjoy dressing up and getting all dolled-up as many females are expected to do. However, I typically prefer just chilling in sweats not caring at all about my appearance. I certainly do not enjoy or partake in cooking or cleaning of any sort. Which, by many standards, is perhaps my only purpose outside of childbearing.
I think that, in some ways, it is easier to be a woman and deal with gender expectations. If I choose to be sensitive and cry, as I did yesterday in Spanish class while watching Voces Inocentes, I am free to do so. If I choose to play sports or pig out with friends I may be considered "one of the guys" but that's about it. For boys, however, when they choose to behave in a more "feminine" manner, preferring to shop rather than play video games, their sexuality often comes into question. Personally, I think that occurs more often when boys act "girly" rather than when girls act "manly".

Have you felt that common ideas of femininity or masculinity have shaped your decision making? How does the feminist criticism play out in your life or in the texts you read?
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Rather than a quote for this post, here is a heuristic activity we did in my psychology class. Read it and think about it before scrolling down for the answer.

A father and his son are driving on a highway and get into a terrible accident. The father dies, and the boy is rushed to the hospital with major injuries. When he gets to the hospital, a surgeon rushes in to help the boy but stops and exclaims, “I can’t operate on this boy—he’s my son!” 
How can this be? 

Some girls and I after our Honors Gym 60 minute run.

If people have a hard time answering, they may be making a false assumption. The surgeon is the boy’s mother.

Tradition

Recommended listening: Tradition from Fiddler on the Roof
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Lately, the presence of traditions of all sorts has been growing increasingly apparent in my life. Last weekend I went to Turnabout, a dance in the spring that is more casual than other dances (Homecoming and Prom -- which are also full of traditions) where the girls ask the boys. This dance is a tradition at my school as well as many others. For our version of Turnabout the Marching Band decides on a theme, hires a live band, decorates the cafeteria according to the theme, and encourages students to dress accordingly.
Then there are the traditions outside of high school. The way we celebrate holidays, the manner in which we approach significant life events, or even smaller daily rituals.
After my interview with Emory University alum this morning, where I marveled at some of the traditions (such as a giant Coca-Cola shot the student body does together), I truly began to think about why traditions play such a critical role in our lives.

Tradition in my life
Personally, I love most of the traditions in my life. I enjoy all the Jewish holidays where I dress up, occasionally go to synagog, and then eat a delicious meal with my entire family. I love school traditions of getting decked out for spirit days and assemblies, going to dances and parades, and this year having the privilege to chant "Seniors! Seniors" whenever we find it necessary. It may be the nostalgia of leaving home kicking in early, but for some reason every chance I get to engage in some sort of silly custom, I relish it.
One of my favorite and most important traditions is the 4th of July which I always spend with two of my best friends Corie and Sarmel (her real name is Sarah). Although we've never gone to school together, we met in elementary school performing in local musical theatre productions. Ever since then, we've been best friends. Despite the distance and increasingly busy schedules we always make it a point to share the 4th together. Our day is packed, starting with the community pancake breakfast in the morning, then parade in the afternoon, and fireworks at night. The day is always punctuated with tons of hilarious stories, interesting run-ins with old friends, and plenty of food and laughs. More than any other times I've shared with them, my memories of the 4th always stick because the progression from year to year is always so incredible and the reliability of our traditions strengthens our friendship.

Traditions: Something to hold on to
Like I mentioned earlier, I think the reason I've noticed traditions so much lately is because I value them now more than ever. As I think about moving on to the next step of my life, I cling to traditions to create a sense of consistency despite other changes. Even when it comes to looking for a college, I feel comforted when universities have similar customs to those I enjoy in high school, or other unique rituals that I can see myself grasping on to.
I don't want to be blinded, however, by the role traditions play in my own life, because traditions are different for everyone.
What do traditions do for you? What are some of your traditions? How/what makes such traditions meaningful?

Every heart that has beat strongly and cheerfully has left a hopeful impulse behind it in the world, and bettered the tradition of mankind.
Robert Louis Stevenson

The Power of Music

Recommended listening: You decide! Comment with some of your favorite songs from 2011 :)
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In honor of the Grammy Awards last night, I thought I would try something new and create a list blog. Throughout my blog thus far, every one of my posts has been named after a song. Without ever stating it explicitly, I've made it pretty clear that music plays a critical role in my life and shapes who I am. I get my music from Kairos CDs my friends have made me, musical soundtracks, and Pandora Radio. When I'm working on homework, spending time alone, or driving I typically enjoy chill, acoustic music. However, in times when I'm down I like louder, more intense music. And sometimes, I can't resist rocking out to some classical music. Music fits my mood, sets my mood, and accompanies me wherever I go.

Here's a list of some favorites:

Kairos music:
OneRepublic
Ray LaMontagne
Relient K
Superchick
Shawn McDonald

Musical soundtracks:
Next to Normal
Phantom of the Opera
Rent
Spring Awakening
Wicked <--fun fact, this musical was also my Bat Mitzvah theme!

Pandora playlists:
Glen Hansard
Joshua Radin
Missy Higgins
Owl City
Secondhand Serenade


Without music, life would be an error. 
Friedrich Nietzsche

Dare You To Move

Recommended listening: Dare You To Move by Switchfoot
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I have little to no idea where I will be one year from now.
In 365 days I could be scurrying to class, head down, as snow whirls around me and the lake glistens in the distance. I could be living with my best friend and enjoying the comfort of having my brother just down the block. I could be a couple hours away from home, reaping the benefits of one of the best Psychology programs in the country.
In 365 days I could be strolling to class wearing a T-shirt, enjoying studying in the sun and eating by the river. I could be living with a stranger. I could be hundreds of miles away from home, reaping the benefits of a new, diverse location and impeccable double-major opportunities.
Or, I could be doing something completely different in an entirely unknown place.

It's officially second semester my senior year, and by May 1st I will be committed to the academic institution of my choosing (given that they already chose me). I know that I am incredibly fortunate to have the opportunity to succeed, study subjects I am passionate about, and explore and grow as a person. I am consoled by the fact that, at whichever college I select, I will have the chance to achieve.
However, the comfort is short-lived. I would be lying if I said that my anxiety about the future isn't always bubbling in the back of my mind. One primary element of my struggle to cope with the uncertainty is that fact that, not only am I unsure of what the future holds, I am unsure of who I will be when the future arrives.

What has defined me?
My home. My family. My friends. My school. My hobbies. My outlook. My past experiences.
The list goes on and on. The bottom line is that, up to this point, who I am has simply accumulated over time. I have always lived in the same town surrounded by the same people and participated in the same activites. Although there have certainly been unexpected shifts throughout my life, the other constants have helped me move forward. My fear is that, once I'm finally on my own, the sudden change to everything around me will be too much to handle.

What will define me?
Once I do get to college, all I will have is myself. The moment I fear most is when my parents have to leave my dorm room and I'm just left there -- alone. At that point in time, my identity will be all I have to hold on to. As I get settled in college, the consistancy will come from within myself as I pan out my plan. From my identity, the reality of my future will be shaped.

To my wonderful readers...
For those of you who have moved on to that next big step, what did you learn about yourself? What aspects of your identity have you held on to the most?
For those of you who are contemplating what's next, are your anxieties similar to mine? How are you going to decide?


The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time.
Abraham Lincoln

We Live

Recommended listening: We Live by Superchick
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A few months ago I wrote a blog post titled Take My Hand in which I touched upon the impact of religion on identity. This topic is something that is frequently at the forefront of my thinking because G-d plays a unique role in my life and I often think of the construct of organized religion. At any rate, today in class religion came up in a new way. After extensively discussing the State of the Union speech made on Tuesday, the conversation shifted to President George W. Bush and his religious views. One student brought up the fact that Bush's overt expression of faith was concerning. The frequency with which Bush openly relied on G-d for guidance made him uneasy. In response to this, several other students noted the positive impact Bush's religion had on him and his supporters. Hours later, this has me thinking outside of simply the political realm. I've begun to wonder, to what extent does religion shape us and the way we look at others?
I guess this is an idea that has been brewing for quite some time. I also touched on our perception of others, specifically Muslim women, in my post Blue Eyes. Of course, this question is by no means unique to me. Everyone questions their own spirituality and faith, but I think it is also integral to begin to think of the faith of others, how we react to it, and how that influences our interactions.


My Faith
Organized religion is not for me. I understand the appeal. I see the value in congregating with like-minded people and worshiping together. I have been disillusioned with it, however, because I grew up going to Hebrew school and attending synagogue services. I never felt connected to it. Perhaps this was because my family is more ethnically Jewish, or because I don't speak Hebrew, or simply because at the time religion didn't concern me. For whatever reason, I never cared for gathering together and reading a text which dictated how I should behave and what I could not do. Throughout high school I have been surrounded by a group of intelligent students, many of which think religion is absolute nonsense and that G-d is a figment of our imagination. So I brushed off spirituality and it was not a component of my identity whatsoever.
However, last year I went on a religious retreat called Kairos. At this retreat I was able to finally distinguish between religion and spirituality. From that point on I have embraced spirituality and my relationship with G-d despite it's non-conventional nature. As a result of the fluctuations along my spiritual journey, I consider myself to be very open minded of others. At this point in time I consider myself Jewish in the sense that I celebrate Jewish holidays and embrace the traditions and customs of my ancestors. I also participate in the Youth Ministry program at my local Catholic Church, where I lead retreats, participate in community service, and discuss openly the role of G-d in my life. Additionally, I wear a very open symbol of my spirituality, my Kairos necklace, every single day. All these components together make up my faith.


The "Other"
In my English class we also frequently discuss the "us" vs. "them" dichotomy. I feel this idea plays a critical role in many religious and ideological conflicts. Looking inward, our religion, or lack thereof, makes sense to us. We accept and firmly believe in the doctrines we subscribe to and the morals we hold dear. However, I think we often forget that everyone else is the same way. The same complexity and thought we have put in to our faith is, for the most part, put into the spirituality of others. Before we can pick apart the religious views and expressions of others (which I, for the record, never recommend doing) we must, at the very least, acknowledge the fact that they have gone through a process to get there and that their beliefs make sense to them.
At the end of the day, I think the way in which we approach other people's religions and beliefs is just as important as the way we approach our own. If we believe in loving our neighbors, the best way to begin to do that is to love them for what they believe in, whether or not we agree with them.


When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.
Peace Pilgrim

Build G-d, Then We'll Talk

Recommended listening: Build G-d, Then We'll Talk by Panic! At the Disco


*warning: The above video and the below book would likely be rated R. Although their content may be disturbing, such inappropriate elements contribute to their content and meaning.


What I've been up to...
One of the joys of time off from school is getting the chance to do things purely for leisurely purposes, rather than for class or college. The first week of winter break I had the privilege of going to Mexico with my family. While my brothers played cards and enjoyed some of the nightlife, I spent most of my time reading. I relish vacations because there are few things in life as magnificent as relaxing at the beach and being totally consumed by a good book. This trip I finished two novels, Tricks by Ellen Hopkins and Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah, and I'm still reading Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.
While I highly recommend all of these titles, the book I would like to focus on for this post is Tricks. In the spirit of an honest review, I will certainly try my best to be as objective as possible. However, you should be warned that Ellen Hopkins is my favorite author of all time.

Style
At any rate, Tricks is written in verse, as are all of her books. I am a huge fan of poetry, I've always loved both reading and writing, but I firmly believe that even those who deem themselves as poetry illiterate or claim to dislike anything other than prose will find that Hopkins has a unique, gripping style.


This specific book is Hopkins' take on the staggering amount of teen prostitution in the United States.


Characters
The book is narrated in third person and follows the lives of five teenagers whose paths eventually cross, and the role "tricks" play in their lives. One of the greatest strengths in this book is the authenticity of all five main characters. Their voices are each so genuine and unique. Although each of them is somehow touched by the issue of turning tricks, their perspectives still differ.
For example, Ginger's mother is a prostitute. Therefore, when faced with the problem of teen prostitution in her own life, Ginger is avidly opposed to it and completely disgusted with those who subject themselves to such a life.
By contrast, there is Cody who is a nice, "All-American" kid -- someone who never thought twice about the world of tricks. I don't want to spoil the book, but let me just say that he does far more than a 180 and where he ends up is both surprising and haunting.
As someone who focuses a lot on identity, it was very interesting to realize how many different traits the characters had and how their perspectives were shaped by their personal varying experiences.


Concept
Outside of compelling characters, I appreciate Hopkins' work in this book because she is able to bring an issue to life. She makes her commentary by giving multiple angles on the issue, and giving it depth. She doesn't pretend anything is black and white or simple. The depth of the characters and their struggles puts the reader in a position where they are both perplexed and compelled to address it. In many ways, this book is downright disturbing. The world I fell into while reading was ugly and difficult to comprehend, but Hopkins made me really understand and empathize with a lot of what is going on as we speak. Although the book is a work of fiction, unfortunately none of the stories are far-fetched whatsoever. The statistics are staggering, and if for no other reason, I believe people should read this book in order to get a glimpse into the hell that is daily life for so many teens right here at home.


Critique 
The ending.
That's exactly what it was like, it just ended. I should have realized that around page 600 the end wasn't far away, but I read the final poem over and over, in complete disbelief. Although I was disappointed with the lack of resolution and the plethora of questions I still had, I have no doubt that this was an intentional move. I wasn't expecting a happy, cookie-cutter ending, but the fact that I knew hardly anything about where the characters were heading and what was coming next in their lives was unsettling. I believe this was Hopkins' goal though. Like the ending, the problem of teen prostitution hasn't necessarily been answered yet. And, like the characters, those truly struggling don't know what tomorrow holds.


Overall
Ultimately, I really enjoyed this book. It isn't my favorite Hopkins piece, (for that I would recommend Identical) but I certainly was not disappointed. I appreciated this novel because the verse was spot-on, the concept was riveting, and the characters had depth and beauty. As someone who likes to focus and question identity, the characters definitely didn't let me down!
*This is also a great review I would recommend checking out if you'd like an opinion other than just my own.


Sooner or later someone you could not have ever dreamed of appears like a rainbow, bridging clouds, and steals your breath away. Someone beautiful, inside and out, grabs hold of your hand, guides you along a rarely traveled road, to a place where your broken heart can be mended, pieceby beating piece. The cost, gratefully afforded, is only your love. 
Tricks, Ellen Hopkins

Blue Eyes

Recommended listening: Blue Eyes by Mika
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In Social Studies we have been learning about the Islamic Revolution in Iran. In English we watched the movie Persepolis and we are now reading Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi. In both memoirs there is a lot of discussion about the veil. Listening to the perspective of Islamic women on the veil has been both interesting and confusing in many ways. I personally do not know what it's like to be mandated to wear a uniform or anything religious whatsoever. I also don't know what it's like to be told I cannot leave my house looking a certain way. At the beginning of this unit it was difficult for me to even gauge the impact of veiling on identity because it was such a foreign idea to me.

At this point, there are two struggles for me.
1) How does one differentiate between the religious significance of the veil and the political implications that have come with mandating, or forbidding, the veil?
2) On a broader scale, how does our dress impact who we are?

As for question number one, although it's been percolating in my mind since the beginning of our unit, today something finally struck me. As I was observing a fishbowl discussion one of my classmates pointed to this quote from Reading Lolita in Tehran: (ch 33, Part III James)

"Mommy, Mommy, he [Khomeini] is not dead! Women are still wearing their scarves," (Nafisi, 242).

The above quotation is, from my perspective, the epitome of the veil being worn as a symbol of politics rather than spirituality. In this setting, the regime has dictated how women must dress. I feel that any sort of strict regulation on dress stifles one's true self. If you cannot make your own decisions about what to wear, part of who you are and how you express yourself is being robbed from you.

This realization leads me into my second question, which I ask to all of you. Although most of my readers probably have never dealt with veil regulations of any sort, what would limiting your dress do to your identity?
I think there is so much to unpack here. How does limiting how we express ourselves on a spiritual level impact our spirituality? How does our overall dress define who we are?

I plan to do a follow-up post as I think more about these questions, and I welcome your insights as I shape my views on these concepts.

We can no more do without spirituality than we can do without food, shelter, or clothing.
Ernest Holmest

Everybody

Recommended listening: Everybody by Ingrid Michaelson
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One word that has come up a lot in my life lately is empathy. In English the concept of empathy has been discussed through the memoir we're reading. In my Psychology class we have discussed empathy through the manifestation of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a personality disorder characterized by lack of empathy. And then, in my life outside of academics, I have certainly noticed empathy at play. I recently had the privilege of leading a religious retreat called Kairos (previously referred to in my post Take My Hand) where the empathy, compassion, and love shared between participants was boundless. Outside of that, those who know me would certainly say I have a strong sense of empathy. In fact, I often joke that I have an "overactive empathy gland" because I cry so much in response to anything from the emotions of those around me to fictitious events portrayed in film.

The Basics
All of the recent talk about empathy has led to a significant amount of rumination and ultimately, this post. First and foremost, certain ideas must be sorted out. When I was younger I had a problem differentiating between sympathy and empathy. After establishing the definition of empathy, it is then essential to note situations in which people commonly feel empathy. I believe, as do other sources, that the root of empathy lies in common ground on the wide spectrum of human feelings and experiences. A few common threads that many share are: loss, love, faith, happiness, desire, friendship, pressure, and disappointment. I would argue that, to some extent, most people have felt or gone through almost all of the above. This similarity helps to establish the framework for empathy in more specific situations.

Results of Empathy
Empathy, in my opinion, certainly has its advantages. For example, those who are able to feel empathy towards others typically have successful, caring relationships where communication about emotions is prevalent. On the flip side, when one is personally struggling with something, the empathy of others is often integral in dealing with the issue and feeling supported. This is perhaps why people who have trouble with empathy also have difficulty interacting with others and establishing deep relationships. Personally I have found my ability to feel empathy has helped me reach out, help, and guide people. I also feel empathy is one of the core reasons I am able to connect with those around me, despite superficial differences.

A Look Within
So we know that empathy impacts our interactions with those around us, but what does empathy do to us? How does our ability, or inability, to feel empathy impact who we are?
I think empathy primarily impacts our identity in the sense that it plays a role in both how those around us perceive us and how we perceive ourselves. If we have a strong sense of empathy then we are often characterized as more emotional people. Those who lack empathy may be seen as colder or having feelings that are buried far below the surface. Our capacity for empathy then sheds light on our personality as a whole and the way in which we approach feelings.

As for me...
There are certainly times when I wish I didn't feel empathy so strongly. For instance, it's never fun being the one person whose sniffles echo through the room or surprising people with my excitement or tears of joy on their behalf. However, I am starting to recognize that not only is there nothing to be ashamed of, but that my approach to connecting to others is a critical part of who I am. I believe my sense of empathy has shaped how other people perceive me as well as how I perceive myself. I think that people come to me for advice because they know that, on some level, I can relate to what they are going through. I think that people see me as a genuine person because I don't hide my empathy. And, because I do feel for others so deeply, I have discovered my passion for psychology. Although in some ways I'm concerned that I have too much empathy to provide adequate therapy, I know that the degree to which I feel empathy is part of who I am and will certainly shape my future.


The great gift of human beings is that we have the power of empathy. 
Meryl Streep

Secret

Recommended listening: Secret by The Pierces

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Every Sunday morning the first thing I do is type wwww.postsecret.com into my browser. I am immediately taken to a blog filled with postcards from people all over the world sent to Frank Warren. PostSecret started off as a small community project where participants were simply asked to anonymously send in a secret on a decorated postcard. However, PostSecret is now an on-going global project and Warren travels around the country speaking and displaying secrets. Additionally, five PostSecret books have been published.

Although I have never personally sent in a secret, I love reading and looking at those that other people choose to share. Some are heart-breaking, confessing abuse or a life of regret. Others are light and funny, detailing little pet-peeves or pranks. Regardless of the secret, I am able to connect, in one way or another, with many of the postcards Frank posts. I think this connection stems from the fact that, big or small, there are many things in our lives that we keep more-or-less private and to ourselves. So, although our secrets may be different, having secrets makes us similar.

But, after weeks upon weeks of anticipating secrets, I couldn't help but think, What is it like for someone who sends in a secret? What does it do to your mind and soul to keep a secret bottled up inside? What happens to your identity when you shield an aspect of yourself from those around you?

Keeping a Secret

In my own personal experience, keeping a secret to yourself can create quite the identity crisis. If there is a big part of yourself you are hiding, it can consume you. It can be exhausting living in secrecy. Depending on the size of the secret it can then impact other aspects of one's identity. Furthermore, it is difficult to be genuine with those around you if you are keeping a secret from them.

For example, if a man is trying to hide the fact that he had an affair he may potentially begin acting differently towards his partner, therefore shaping his identity as a spouse.

Sharing a Secret

The simple act of telling your secret, or perhaps sending in a postcard, can be liberating. Although potentially very frightening, the opportunity to share a secret allows one to be honest and genuine. By acknowledging whatever the secret may be the severity of it can be diminished and a weight lifted off one's shoulders.

For example, if the same cheater comes clean then he and his partner may have the opportunity to reconcile the situation or at least deal with the secret.*

Impact of a Secret

After sharing a secret there is opportunity for self growth. Once a secret is out in the open people then have the chance to incorporate whatever element of themselves or their past they were hiding into their daily being.

For example, regardless of how the cheating situation turns out, by acknowledging what happened the cheater may then move on with the secret as only one aspect of his overall personality rather than a large blunder he had attempted to veil.

Fortunately, I have chosen to share my secret(s) with people I trust and it has made being myself that much easier.

What happens next?

Ideally, people accept you. I think the main concern keeping people from sharing their secrets is a fear of being judged or perceived differently. People generally work very hard to uphold an image, and if a secret is significant enough it can tear that image apart. However, if the response to your secret is positive, it helps you construct a more complete identity. One's self cannot be whole if something is being hidden.

*This article discusses how secrets impact the family dynamic once they are brought to the surface.

The man who keeps a secret may be wise, but he is not half as wise as the man with no secrets to keep.

Edgar Watson Howe

Home

Recommended listening: Home from The Wiz

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This past Friday the organization LiNK (Liberty in North Korea) came to speak at my school. As a board member of Global Citizens Club, a club which focuses on human rights, our themefor this portion of the year is LiNK. Three representatives from LiNK, called Nomads, came to show students LiNK's newest film: Hiding. The movie documented what it was like for North Korean refugees as they ventured through China, in hiding, and through South East Asia until they finally found safety in either South Korea or the United States. Although short, the film and entire LiNK organization sends a powerful message. There is an incredible humanitarian crisis going on in North Korea. What are we doing about it?

Friday night I went out to dinner with the Heartland Nomads.

I had a great time talking to them about their involvement in LiNK, the crisis in North Korea, and just about their lives in general. The entire day really got me thinking. The situation in North Korea, regardless of how informed you are, is still very difficult to grasp. What is it like to eat boiled bark as your only source of food? What is it like to choose between a life of oppression and one as the victim of sex trafficking? What is it like to have to flee your homeland?

Fortunately, these are questions I don't have a first-hand answer to. But the information LiNK shared with me has certainly opened my eyes to the situation, ignited a spark of passion to help in any way I can, and led me to blog. As a blogger about identity construction, I can't help but wonder how being a refugee impacts one's identity.

I came across this article about a Pakistani refugee. The more information I read, the luckier I feel. It almost goes without saying, but a huge part of who we are links (no pun intended) back to where we come from and where we live. In a sense, we are our home. Even if that home is a place of heartache or struggles, that home shapes who we are. All of our basic needs are met, or in some instances cannot be met, at home. And, when there is reason to leave that home, what becomes of us?

I guess the closest I can come to relating to the need to flee one's country and seek refuge is the idea of moving out and going to college. Of course, my version of leaving home is far more luxurious, but some of the same sort of principles still apply. Next fall, for the first time in my entire life, I'm going to be living on my own. I won't come back to my house, my family, or my hometown on a daily basis anymore. This is both exciting and frightening. Who will I be without the concept of home to fall back on? Will I rely more on stories of home to define me? Will I try to reinvent myself without home tying me down? Will my perception of home change? Who will I be once I've left the only home I've ever known?

Once these questions are put in a more mainstream framework, I think they have additional value. Although most of my readers have never had to flee their country in order to seek refuge due to starvation or oppression, most people can relate to the fear, anxiety, and life-altering impact of leaving home. At this point I don't have the answers to the above question, however they are worth thinking about. What impact does leaving home have on our identity?

“I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.”

Maya Angelou