Secret

Recommended listening: Secret by The Pierces

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Every Sunday morning the first thing I do is type wwww.postsecret.com into my browser. I am immediately taken to a blog filled with postcards from people all over the world sent to Frank Warren. PostSecret started off as a small community project where participants were simply asked to anonymously send in a secret on a decorated postcard. However, PostSecret is now an on-going global project and Warren travels around the country speaking and displaying secrets. Additionally, five PostSecret books have been published.

Although I have never personally sent in a secret, I love reading and looking at those that other people choose to share. Some are heart-breaking, confessing abuse or a life of regret. Others are light and funny, detailing little pet-peeves or pranks. Regardless of the secret, I am able to connect, in one way or another, with many of the postcards Frank posts. I think this connection stems from the fact that, big or small, there are many things in our lives that we keep more-or-less private and to ourselves. So, although our secrets may be different, having secrets makes us similar.

But, after weeks upon weeks of anticipating secrets, I couldn't help but think, What is it like for someone who sends in a secret? What does it do to your mind and soul to keep a secret bottled up inside? What happens to your identity when you shield an aspect of yourself from those around you?

Keeping a Secret

In my own personal experience, keeping a secret to yourself can create quite the identity crisis. If there is a big part of yourself you are hiding, it can consume you. It can be exhausting living in secrecy. Depending on the size of the secret it can then impact other aspects of one's identity. Furthermore, it is difficult to be genuine with those around you if you are keeping a secret from them.

For example, if a man is trying to hide the fact that he had an affair he may potentially begin acting differently towards his partner, therefore shaping his identity as a spouse.

Sharing a Secret

The simple act of telling your secret, or perhaps sending in a postcard, can be liberating. Although potentially very frightening, the opportunity to share a secret allows one to be honest and genuine. By acknowledging whatever the secret may be the severity of it can be diminished and a weight lifted off one's shoulders.

For example, if the same cheater comes clean then he and his partner may have the opportunity to reconcile the situation or at least deal with the secret.*

Impact of a Secret

After sharing a secret there is opportunity for self growth. Once a secret is out in the open people then have the chance to incorporate whatever element of themselves or their past they were hiding into their daily being.

For example, regardless of how the cheating situation turns out, by acknowledging what happened the cheater may then move on with the secret as only one aspect of his overall personality rather than a large blunder he had attempted to veil.

Fortunately, I have chosen to share my secret(s) with people I trust and it has made being myself that much easier.

What happens next?

Ideally, people accept you. I think the main concern keeping people from sharing their secrets is a fear of being judged or perceived differently. People generally work very hard to uphold an image, and if a secret is significant enough it can tear that image apart. However, if the response to your secret is positive, it helps you construct a more complete identity. One's self cannot be whole if something is being hidden.

*This article discusses how secrets impact the family dynamic once they are brought to the surface.

The man who keeps a secret may be wise, but he is not half as wise as the man with no secrets to keep.

Edgar Watson Howe

Home

Recommended listening: Home from The Wiz

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This past Friday the organization LiNK (Liberty in North Korea) came to speak at my school. As a board member of Global Citizens Club, a club which focuses on human rights, our themefor this portion of the year is LiNK. Three representatives from LiNK, called Nomads, came to show students LiNK's newest film: Hiding. The movie documented what it was like for North Korean refugees as they ventured through China, in hiding, and through South East Asia until they finally found safety in either South Korea or the United States. Although short, the film and entire LiNK organization sends a powerful message. There is an incredible humanitarian crisis going on in North Korea. What are we doing about it?

Friday night I went out to dinner with the Heartland Nomads.

I had a great time talking to them about their involvement in LiNK, the crisis in North Korea, and just about their lives in general. The entire day really got me thinking. The situation in North Korea, regardless of how informed you are, is still very difficult to grasp. What is it like to eat boiled bark as your only source of food? What is it like to choose between a life of oppression and one as the victim of sex trafficking? What is it like to have to flee your homeland?

Fortunately, these are questions I don't have a first-hand answer to. But the information LiNK shared with me has certainly opened my eyes to the situation, ignited a spark of passion to help in any way I can, and led me to blog. As a blogger about identity construction, I can't help but wonder how being a refugee impacts one's identity.

I came across this article about a Pakistani refugee. The more information I read, the luckier I feel. It almost goes without saying, but a huge part of who we are links (no pun intended) back to where we come from and where we live. In a sense, we are our home. Even if that home is a place of heartache or struggles, that home shapes who we are. All of our basic needs are met, or in some instances cannot be met, at home. And, when there is reason to leave that home, what becomes of us?

I guess the closest I can come to relating to the need to flee one's country and seek refuge is the idea of moving out and going to college. Of course, my version of leaving home is far more luxurious, but some of the same sort of principles still apply. Next fall, for the first time in my entire life, I'm going to be living on my own. I won't come back to my house, my family, or my hometown on a daily basis anymore. This is both exciting and frightening. Who will I be without the concept of home to fall back on? Will I rely more on stories of home to define me? Will I try to reinvent myself without home tying me down? Will my perception of home change? Who will I be once I've left the only home I've ever known?

Once these questions are put in a more mainstream framework, I think they have additional value. Although most of my readers have never had to flee their country in order to seek refuge due to starvation or oppression, most people can relate to the fear, anxiety, and life-altering impact of leaving home. At this point I don't have the answers to the above question, however they are worth thinking about. What impact does leaving home have on our identity?

“I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.”

Maya Angelou

Hold On

Recommended listening: Hold On by Good Charlotte

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As I walk down the hallways it is common to hear a conversation similar to the following:
"Hey man, what's up?"
"Oh, not much, just studying for this gay test Friday."
"Yeah man, bummer."
And, with that, the kids go on there way as if nothing at all has transpired.

To me, this is cause for alarm. People throw around the word gay, and even more potentially offensive terms, with little to no regard for the repercussions. In today's world, especially that of the youth, the word gay has come to mean lame or stupid.
The transformation of the word gay is on the minds of many and plays an integral role in our daily lives. Other bloggers have noticed the shift in our colloquial use of gay. This blog explores the origins of the word gay and how the label has developed over time. This blog identifies the same issues I raise, however the blogger claims that there is really no trouble or substantial harm in the evolution of the word gay. I beg to differ.
On Sept. 22, Tyler Clementi's Facebook status simply read, “Jumping off the gw bridge sorry.”

According to The New York Times, Clementi committed suicide after footage of him involved in a sexual encounter with another male aired on the Internet. Two of his Rutgers University classmates are currently being charged with invasion of privacy. Similar incidents have been increasing in frequency with six* teen suicides due to homophobic bullying reported in September.
Here, I believe the ramifications of certain attitudes and phobias related to homosexuals are apparent. Although I am by no means insinuating that someone using the word "gay" out of context drove Clementi to suicide, I do believe that the way our culture has shaped the word gay contributes to the rampant surge of homophobia that seems to be sweeping the nation.

So, what's next?

I think the best option is to start within. So many of us are guilty of throwing around the word gay out of context. The consequences of such word choice are legitimate and significant. Once we start monitoring ourselves and those around us we have a chance at changing the way we shape the evolution of the word gay. The bottom line is this: no one should have to deal with their identity being associated with such negative connotations. Being gay shapes the lives of many, but the negative connotations the word "gay" has accumulated are unnecessary in shaping the identity of gay individuals as well as the identity of our society as a whole.

Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality.
James Baldwin

*Six Teen Suicides in September:
Billy Lucas: Sept. 9
Cody J. Barker: Sept. 13
Seth Walsh: Sept. 19
Asher Brown: Sept. 23
Raymond Chase: Sept. 29

*movement in response to the increase in frequency of teen suicides: It Gets Better Project

*much of this also applies to the word retarded