Your Life is Now

Recommended listening: Your Life is Now by John Mellencamp
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For the first time ever, I rushed home to blog. Although I do enjoy blogging, I have never felt compelled to the point where I would disregard the urgency of an upcoming test or the growling of my stomach or the fatigue pressing my eyelids shut. No, today I have come home invigorated.
Just minutes ago I was part of a Student Advisory Board meeting, our last official meeting before our end-of-the-year cookout. Student Advisory Board is comprised of students from all four grade levels who have the unique opportunity to meet with a variety of administrators in order to discuss issues ranging from cafeteria setup to curriculum.
Today, our discussion began with the documentary Race to Nowhere. Although I have not seen the film, I cannot wait to get my hands on it. And, after a brief summary by our principal, a majority of the room was nodding in agreement and yearning for the chance to share their thoughts. In fact, several students stayed well after the final bell rang in order to tell their side of the story.


My side
Although I could, like many teens, rant endlessly about the overwhelming stress I've been under or the incomprehensible amount of work I've been given, I believe that point has been made clear. Sure, there have been nights when I heard birds chirping before I even put my pajamas on, and classes that I fought to stay awake in, and material I failed to understand -- but there's so much more to it.
However, I have to start off by saying that I have been incredibly blessed. I go to a wonderful school in a wonderful community with so many faculty members who have a true passion for educating young people. And, even better, I have never felt any pressure from my parents to do anything more than my best, even if that means grades and test scores that are not perfect.
I know that the environment I've grown up in has benefitted me in countless ways, but I also see it destroying people. I've heard parents verbally harass their children for not achieving the 36 they should have or coming in 1st at whatever competition they are expected to excel in. I've witnessed teachers assign an outlandish amount of homework with no sympathy or understanding for the situation they have put their students in. And, most tragically, I have seen students push themselves to chase an image of perfection that is both unrealistic and unhealthy.


What I've learned
With exactly one month until graduation, senior year has given me some much-needed perspective. After getting deferred from what was always my "dream school", I was forced to reconsider what I wanted for my future and how I planned to achieve it. I realized that, after busting my butt throughout high school, I wanted to relax and enjoy myself a bit more in college. Although I plan on double-majoring and maintaining a solid GPA, I also plan on pursuing my passions and learning about life, not just facts. Rather than selecting the highest-ranking (and coincidentally most expensive school) I was accepted to, I have chosen to attend The University of Wisconsin -- Madison which has a balance of the academic standard I believe is necessary, as well as the student life and social opportunities I hope to make the most of. And if there is one thing I am proud of myself for it is the fact that I was able to select a school based on how well it fit me and my goals, rather than just its prestige. If there is one lesson I could pass on to underclassman, and even overachieving middle schoolers, it would be that it is not about the numbers -- your ACT score does not define you, your GPA does not define you, and the ranking of your college certainly does not define you.

What now?
After the passionate discussion that today's meeting elicited, we have decided to schedule one more before the final cookout. And, with only one month left, there is little impact I can feasibly make at my school. So, here I am, writing to whoever is reading this with the following questions:

• What is propelling you to do what you do? Are you passionate about the things you invest your time into, or is some outside force driving you to do whatever it is that you do?
• What is your ultimate goal? Is it all about the college you are accepted to or the grades you earn or surpassing your peers? Or is it about connecting with people, exploring new concepts, and growing as a person?
• Why? Just ask yourself, why? Is this all really worth it?

Although grades and scores do matter to some extent, they by no means define me or anyone else. I have written all year about identity, and not once have I attributed identity to a number. 

Four years ago I took a summer school class called Art Foundation in the hopes of taking photography throughout high school. I never took a single photography class.

This summer I will finally begin to explore photography, not for a grade or college credit, but solely because it is something I want to do. It is better late than never, but there is certainly no reason to put your passions on pause in order to win the race to nowhere.

These kids come to the table with this creativity and love of learning, let's just not take it out of them.
Race to Nowhere

Everybody

Recommended listening: Everybody by Ingrid Michaelson
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One word that has come up a lot in my life lately is empathy. In English the concept of empathy has been discussed through the memoir we're reading. In my Psychology class we have discussed empathy through the manifestation of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a personality disorder characterized by lack of empathy. And then, in my life outside of academics, I have certainly noticed empathy at play. I recently had the privilege of leading a religious retreat called Kairos (previously referred to in my post Take My Hand) where the empathy, compassion, and love shared between participants was boundless. Outside of that, those who know me would certainly say I have a strong sense of empathy. In fact, I often joke that I have an "overactive empathy gland" because I cry so much in response to anything from the emotions of those around me to fictitious events portrayed in film.

The Basics
All of the recent talk about empathy has led to a significant amount of rumination and ultimately, this post. First and foremost, certain ideas must be sorted out. When I was younger I had a problem differentiating between sympathy and empathy. After establishing the definition of empathy, it is then essential to note situations in which people commonly feel empathy. I believe, as do other sources, that the root of empathy lies in common ground on the wide spectrum of human feelings and experiences. A few common threads that many share are: loss, love, faith, happiness, desire, friendship, pressure, and disappointment. I would argue that, to some extent, most people have felt or gone through almost all of the above. This similarity helps to establish the framework for empathy in more specific situations.

Results of Empathy
Empathy, in my opinion, certainly has its advantages. For example, those who are able to feel empathy towards others typically have successful, caring relationships where communication about emotions is prevalent. On the flip side, when one is personally struggling with something, the empathy of others is often integral in dealing with the issue and feeling supported. This is perhaps why people who have trouble with empathy also have difficulty interacting with others and establishing deep relationships. Personally I have found my ability to feel empathy has helped me reach out, help, and guide people. I also feel empathy is one of the core reasons I am able to connect with those around me, despite superficial differences.

A Look Within
So we know that empathy impacts our interactions with those around us, but what does empathy do to us? How does our ability, or inability, to feel empathy impact who we are?
I think empathy primarily impacts our identity in the sense that it plays a role in both how those around us perceive us and how we perceive ourselves. If we have a strong sense of empathy then we are often characterized as more emotional people. Those who lack empathy may be seen as colder or having feelings that are buried far below the surface. Our capacity for empathy then sheds light on our personality as a whole and the way in which we approach feelings.

As for me...
There are certainly times when I wish I didn't feel empathy so strongly. For instance, it's never fun being the one person whose sniffles echo through the room or surprising people with my excitement or tears of joy on their behalf. However, I am starting to recognize that not only is there nothing to be ashamed of, but that my approach to connecting to others is a critical part of who I am. I believe my sense of empathy has shaped how other people perceive me as well as how I perceive myself. I think that people come to me for advice because they know that, on some level, I can relate to what they are going through. I think that people see me as a genuine person because I don't hide my empathy. And, because I do feel for others so deeply, I have discovered my passion for psychology. Although in some ways I'm concerned that I have too much empathy to provide adequate therapy, I know that the degree to which I feel empathy is part of who I am and will certainly shape my future.


The great gift of human beings is that we have the power of empathy. 
Meryl Streep