Blackbird

Recommended listening: Blackbird by The Beatles
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My apologies for the hiatus, but as fourth quarter starts off I am back to blogging. As of late, we have been focusing on an ecocritical approach to literature (specifically children's stories) as well as other documents works that connect language and the environment.
One particularly striking activity we did was journal about our relationship with the environment by responding to several questions.

Questions

• Do you consider yourself an "outdoorsy" person? Why or why not?
• Which of your most salient memories involve nature, the outdoors, animals, plants, etc.?
• Are you drawn to certain ecosystems or environments, such as the ocean shore or mountains? What do they mean to you?
• Would you say that nature is something you escape from or escape to?
• If you were an animal, what animal would you be? Do you feel connected to animals?
• What are your favorite places? To what extent are they connected to or removed from nature?

It isn't hard to imagine that these questions led me to deeply consider nature as a factor in identity construction. 

My Nature

As I began considering my relationship with nature, I immediately thought it was non-existent. I've never gone camping, and I felt that was a pre-requisite for being an "outdoorsy" person. However, as I began to answer the above questions, I noticed nature plays a more important role in my identity and life than I initially realized.

Although I may not consider myself an outdoorsy person, I appreciate nature. I love trees and autumn's changing leaves more than anything. I've had incredible memories that are very much intertwined with nature, like Kairos at Conference Point Center in Williams Bay, Wisconsin. And when it comes to considering ecosystems, I have escaped to beaches and mountains on numerous family vacations. Fortunately, these vacations were both relaxing and luxurious -- which are adjectives I would never have connected to nature.

Simply ruminating upon such questions has lead me to understand that nature is both prevalent and significant in multiple aspects of my life. My favorite and most meaningful memory, Kairos, was deeply enhanced by nature. The crisp, fresh air, glinting lake, wooded paths, and pouring rain added to the majestic feeling I had on the retreat. Many of my family vacations are closely tied to the feeling of sand between my toes or snow-capped mountains. Even on a daily basis, the tranquility I enjoy by going on a walk around my neighborhood is all due to nature.

Simply put, nature is all around us. It is impossible to escape our environment. Whether we seek refuge in the outdoors, or in the comfort of our homes, we are at all times tied to nature and interacting with it.

As my readers, I ask you to thoughtfully consider the questions posed earlier. What is nature in your life? How has nature made you who you are?

How strange that Nature does not knock, and yet does not intrude!  
Emily Dickinson

Anthem

Recommended listening: Anthem by Superchick
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Hamlet
I just finished reading the play Hamlet by William Shakespeare. What made my experience of this text unique was that we read it by focusing on different critical approaches. One of the approaches which is strongly tied to Hamlet is the feminist approach. There are unique, dynamic and mysterious female characters that, despite having a limited number of lines, play a critical role in Shakespeare's Hamlet. By analyzing Ophelia and Gertrude, which I continue to do even after reading the play, I've really become enticed by the feminist approach.

One specific question that feminist critics ask that really sticks out to me is: How is the work "gendered"? That is, how does it seem to define femininity and masculinity? Which, of course, got me thinking about gender roles in my own life and how they shape identity.

Today's Society
Society, in many ways, is so deeply embedded with norms that it can be difficult to realize how they permeate our identity. When first studying the ideas of feminist critics I thought that they were hardly applicable in my life. I thought that, for the most part, I have been in complete control of my growth and identity. If I wanted to do something "manly" I would have no problem doing so. However, taking a closer look, there is practically no way to be immune to gender stereotypes and expectations without some sort of backlash.
I think one way that the differences between genders is clear today would be in terms of relationships. When dating, guys are often expected to pay, make decisions, and take control. They are supposed to "wear the pants", a common phrase used to express whomever is more masculine in a relationship.
By the same token, females are expected to be more submissive and obedient. When the roles are switched and the male seems to be the more obedient and submissive one he is deemed "whipped".
Our society is still very gendered in the respect that a stay-at-home parent is often expected to be the mother, whereas the primary source of income is "supposed" to be the man.
Then, of course, in terms of homosexual relationships gender plays quite a different role. I can't quite speak to that though.

My Life
I wouldn't consider myself very girly or manly, I just see myself as me. I don't doubt that gender roles and expectations, however, have shaped my understanding of Self. Sometimes I enjoy dressing up and getting all dolled-up as many females are expected to do. However, I typically prefer just chilling in sweats not caring at all about my appearance. I certainly do not enjoy or partake in cooking or cleaning of any sort. Which, by many standards, is perhaps my only purpose outside of childbearing.
I think that, in some ways, it is easier to be a woman and deal with gender expectations. If I choose to be sensitive and cry, as I did yesterday in Spanish class while watching Voces Inocentes, I am free to do so. If I choose to play sports or pig out with friends I may be considered "one of the guys" but that's about it. For boys, however, when they choose to behave in a more "feminine" manner, preferring to shop rather than play video games, their sexuality often comes into question. Personally, I think that occurs more often when boys act "girly" rather than when girls act "manly".

Have you felt that common ideas of femininity or masculinity have shaped your decision making? How does the feminist criticism play out in your life or in the texts you read?
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Rather than a quote for this post, here is a heuristic activity we did in my psychology class. Read it and think about it before scrolling down for the answer.

A father and his son are driving on a highway and get into a terrible accident. The father dies, and the boy is rushed to the hospital with major injuries. When he gets to the hospital, a surgeon rushes in to help the boy but stops and exclaims, “I can’t operate on this boy—he’s my son!” 
How can this be? 

Some girls and I after our Honors Gym 60 minute run.

If people have a hard time answering, they may be making a false assumption. The surgeon is the boy’s mother.

Build G-d, Then We'll Talk

Recommended listening: Build G-d, Then We'll Talk by Panic! At the Disco


*warning: The above video and the below book would likely be rated R. Although their content may be disturbing, such inappropriate elements contribute to their content and meaning.


What I've been up to...
One of the joys of time off from school is getting the chance to do things purely for leisurely purposes, rather than for class or college. The first week of winter break I had the privilege of going to Mexico with my family. While my brothers played cards and enjoyed some of the nightlife, I spent most of my time reading. I relish vacations because there are few things in life as magnificent as relaxing at the beach and being totally consumed by a good book. This trip I finished two novels, Tricks by Ellen Hopkins and Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah, and I'm still reading Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.
While I highly recommend all of these titles, the book I would like to focus on for this post is Tricks. In the spirit of an honest review, I will certainly try my best to be as objective as possible. However, you should be warned that Ellen Hopkins is my favorite author of all time.

Style
At any rate, Tricks is written in verse, as are all of her books. I am a huge fan of poetry, I've always loved both reading and writing, but I firmly believe that even those who deem themselves as poetry illiterate or claim to dislike anything other than prose will find that Hopkins has a unique, gripping style.


This specific book is Hopkins' take on the staggering amount of teen prostitution in the United States.


Characters
The book is narrated in third person and follows the lives of five teenagers whose paths eventually cross, and the role "tricks" play in their lives. One of the greatest strengths in this book is the authenticity of all five main characters. Their voices are each so genuine and unique. Although each of them is somehow touched by the issue of turning tricks, their perspectives still differ.
For example, Ginger's mother is a prostitute. Therefore, when faced with the problem of teen prostitution in her own life, Ginger is avidly opposed to it and completely disgusted with those who subject themselves to such a life.
By contrast, there is Cody who is a nice, "All-American" kid -- someone who never thought twice about the world of tricks. I don't want to spoil the book, but let me just say that he does far more than a 180 and where he ends up is both surprising and haunting.
As someone who focuses a lot on identity, it was very interesting to realize how many different traits the characters had and how their perspectives were shaped by their personal varying experiences.


Concept
Outside of compelling characters, I appreciate Hopkins' work in this book because she is able to bring an issue to life. She makes her commentary by giving multiple angles on the issue, and giving it depth. She doesn't pretend anything is black and white or simple. The depth of the characters and their struggles puts the reader in a position where they are both perplexed and compelled to address it. In many ways, this book is downright disturbing. The world I fell into while reading was ugly and difficult to comprehend, but Hopkins made me really understand and empathize with a lot of what is going on as we speak. Although the book is a work of fiction, unfortunately none of the stories are far-fetched whatsoever. The statistics are staggering, and if for no other reason, I believe people should read this book in order to get a glimpse into the hell that is daily life for so many teens right here at home.


Critique 
The ending.
That's exactly what it was like, it just ended. I should have realized that around page 600 the end wasn't far away, but I read the final poem over and over, in complete disbelief. Although I was disappointed with the lack of resolution and the plethora of questions I still had, I have no doubt that this was an intentional move. I wasn't expecting a happy, cookie-cutter ending, but the fact that I knew hardly anything about where the characters were heading and what was coming next in their lives was unsettling. I believe this was Hopkins' goal though. Like the ending, the problem of teen prostitution hasn't necessarily been answered yet. And, like the characters, those truly struggling don't know what tomorrow holds.


Overall
Ultimately, I really enjoyed this book. It isn't my favorite Hopkins piece, (for that I would recommend Identical) but I certainly was not disappointed. I appreciated this novel because the verse was spot-on, the concept was riveting, and the characters had depth and beauty. As someone who likes to focus and question identity, the characters definitely didn't let me down!
*This is also a great review I would recommend checking out if you'd like an opinion other than just my own.


Sooner or later someone you could not have ever dreamed of appears like a rainbow, bridging clouds, and steals your breath away. Someone beautiful, inside and out, grabs hold of your hand, guides you along a rarely traveled road, to a place where your broken heart can be mended, pieceby beating piece. The cost, gratefully afforded, is only your love. 
Tricks, Ellen Hopkins

Blue Eyes

Recommended listening: Blue Eyes by Mika
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In Social Studies we have been learning about the Islamic Revolution in Iran. In English we watched the movie Persepolis and we are now reading Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi. In both memoirs there is a lot of discussion about the veil. Listening to the perspective of Islamic women on the veil has been both interesting and confusing in many ways. I personally do not know what it's like to be mandated to wear a uniform or anything religious whatsoever. I also don't know what it's like to be told I cannot leave my house looking a certain way. At the beginning of this unit it was difficult for me to even gauge the impact of veiling on identity because it was such a foreign idea to me.

At this point, there are two struggles for me.
1) How does one differentiate between the religious significance of the veil and the political implications that have come with mandating, or forbidding, the veil?
2) On a broader scale, how does our dress impact who we are?

As for question number one, although it's been percolating in my mind since the beginning of our unit, today something finally struck me. As I was observing a fishbowl discussion one of my classmates pointed to this quote from Reading Lolita in Tehran: (ch 33, Part III James)

"Mommy, Mommy, he [Khomeini] is not dead! Women are still wearing their scarves," (Nafisi, 242).

The above quotation is, from my perspective, the epitome of the veil being worn as a symbol of politics rather than spirituality. In this setting, the regime has dictated how women must dress. I feel that any sort of strict regulation on dress stifles one's true self. If you cannot make your own decisions about what to wear, part of who you are and how you express yourself is being robbed from you.

This realization leads me into my second question, which I ask to all of you. Although most of my readers probably have never dealt with veil regulations of any sort, what would limiting your dress do to your identity?
I think there is so much to unpack here. How does limiting how we express ourselves on a spiritual level impact our spirituality? How does our overall dress define who we are?

I plan to do a follow-up post as I think more about these questions, and I welcome your insights as I shape my views on these concepts.

We can no more do without spirituality than we can do without food, shelter, or clothing.
Ernest Holmest

Hear You Me

Recommended listening: Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World
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Two months from yesterday one of my classmates passed away. Two months ago I remember the last night of summer spent at his wake. Although Alen and I were never very close, my friends and peers knew him well. And everyone loved him. Not a single person who knew him would disagree.
The wake still haunts me. Seeing his family and friends so broken and lost is an image my mind just cannot let go. Yesterday was his little sister's birthday. I cannot help but wonder how Alen's family manages to reconcile the loss of one child while still celebrating the life of his beautiful little sister.
Since Alen's death the incomprehensible process of grief has characterized the lives of many. His Facebook wall is utilized by friends as a way to connect and let him know he is never forgotten. People visit his family and the cemetery in efforts to cope and connect. And the newspaper staff of our school paper, The Torch, was given the opportunity to touch base with his family and shed light on the incredible person Alen was.

Not a day goes by where grieving isn't on my mind. And now, in my twelfth grade English class, we are finishing up The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver. To me, the most poignant part of the novel has been when the Price family's youngest child, Ruth May, dies. Because the book is divided into sections narrated by various family members, as a reader I am able to experience everyone's individual reaction to the loss of Ruth May.
One line that really struck me was when the oldest daughter, Rachel, explains what it would be like when she told her mother that Ruth May was gone. "The whole world would change then, and nothing would ever be all right again. Not for our family. All the other people in the whole wide world might go on about their business, but for us it would never be normal again," (366).
This thought is echoed and felt by many grieving. In one moment, everything changes. The eeriest part is that, despite all the pain you as an individual are laboring through, the world spins on and people continue to go about their business. How do people manage to reintegrate themselves into the bigger picture of the world once their own world is shattered?

This question led me to search through a wealth of blogs and articles written by grieving families and grief counselors. But, despite all my reading, a definitive answer is difficult to find. For those still struggling, I did find numerous resources that are heart-warming and helpful.*
What I've gained through my reading and personal experiences is this: death leaves a permanent impact on one's life and identity. Time heals in some ways, erases in others, allowing the shaping of identity to travel the same road as grief. Loss of a loved one is painful beyond our capacity to feel, confusing beyond our ability to comprehend, and life-altering beyond our ability to resist. However, we must not let death be all that defines those we've lost, for their lives are what is worth remember.

*Brilliant blogs I'm now following:
The Newborn Identity: This blog details a father's journey as he copes the loss of one baby girl while simultaneously beginning to raise his new one.
Attack of the Redneck Mommy: This blog, which The Newborn Identity linked to, is enticing and humorous despite the immense family struggles that Redneck Mommy goes through. Her blog documents her efforts to love her children fully while still grappling with the loss of a son.
Grief Companion: This blog is written by a grief counselor and offers insight, advice, anecdotes, and optimism for those who are grieving.


Sorrow makes us all children again - destroys all differences of intellect. The wisest know nothing.
Ralph Waldo Emerson



RIP Alen Khoma (8.2.92-8.22.10) You will always be loved, missed, and remembered.